One of my favorite quotes is by the ancient Islamic mystic, Rumi. It reads:
Know then that the body is but a garment. Go seek the wearer, not the cloak.
I repeat that last part to myself constantly:
Seek the wearer, not the cloak.
Every time I say it my spine tingles because as India Arie says, "You know the truth by the way it feels."
And this, my friends, feels like the truth to me. The more I decipher those words the more I understand the call.
Go in search of what is True.Chase down what is real.Deliberately strive for that which can't be seen.
This stuff is sooo good!!
But here's the thing about expanding your mind--once you learn something new, you can never unknow what you know. People can't pee on your head & tell you it's raining anymore, so you have to start acting like you know better. And once you truly understand that you've been called to chase down that which can't been seen??Well then that's exactly what you have to start doing.
But that's not very easy on an app like Tinder.
Over the years I've connected with tons of matches, sent hundreds of text messages, ki-ki'd on a handful of phone calls & even gone on a couple of "dates" (including an epic 6 hour adventure in Spain!) but nothing's really panned out for me. I blame it all on Rumi's directive.
The thing is--when I start swiping rightI don't like who I become.
The app encourages me to pick people apart based on their cloak--the outside stuff. From what they're wearing to what their house looks like, the second I open the app it's like I become this woman who has an opinion about EVE.RY.THING.
Well, wait a minute. Okay. I mean...I actually always have an opinion about everything but...the Tinder version of me feels super critical. And petty. Like Dayka 4.0. But trust me when say that Dayka 1.0 is more than enough--we don't actually need to go to 4.0.
Now some of these guys might be actually be funny & engaging but I'll never know because I'm too focused on things like why they have dark sunglasses on in every single picture. Why they're kissing their dog in the mouth. Why they're posed in a residential area with 15 shotguns. Or why they've taken multiple pictures of themselves bare-chested in front of a bathroom mirror with their underwear pulled down beyond their pelvic bone. These are the kind of things that bring out Dayka 4.0.
But then I hear that familiar refrain--Seek the wearer, not the cloak--and I'm reminded of what I've been called to do. And I remember that the only thing that's real is what's unseen. Who you are. The wearer.
Because in real life, love has never found me because of a cloak.
On the contrary, it's always found me unexpectedly. Chance meetings. Random funny conversations. Unexpected connections. 4.0 loves to focus on the cloak.But 1.0 searches for spirit. And Truth.
The guys I've liked?? I was drawn to them because of their spirits..and their jokes...and their intellect...and their experiences...and their energetic chemistry.I didn't choose them because of how they looked---I chose them because of how they felt. And because the way a person feels can't really be articulated in a photo (well, it kinda can but that's another post)...I'll just loop back to my dear friend Rumi.
Seek the wearer, not the cloak.
When I whisper that phrase to myself it's a reminder that seeking anything requires intentional action on my part. It requires me to chase, pursue & strive--so if I'm to be responsible for "seeking the wearer" in every situation, I know that what I'm looking for isn't going to be found on that easy, surface layer.Instead my job is to actually look beyond the cloak and find the wearer inside. I believe it's the only thing I'm really here on Earth to do.
But that's not an easy feat in a world that encourages us to focus on the glitz & settle for what's on the surface. Knowing someone requires that you first make yourself knowable. Vulnerable, open, available, interestED---all of it. You can only get to know others once you've gotten to know yourself...that's the only way any of this works.
So tell me: if the Wearers meet Wearers & Cloaks meet Cloaks....which one are you???